The Rationale for Canine Nose-Licking

The rationale for canine nose-licking: a prospective observational study
by Buster B. Brown

Introduction

The licking of certain body parts is a familiar yet understudied behavior among canines. This self-referential licking is distinct from inter-species licking, chiefly of the canine-human variety. In rare instances, human licking of canines has also been reported, but Dad has never licked me, which speaks volumes for his mental health.

Target body parts for self-referential licking include nearly every square centimeter of flesh. Licking is most commonly reported in the areas of the twig and berries, paws, and nose. Unless the berries have been removed, in which case the twig is of only passing interest to the canine licker. Trust me on this one.

This study focuses on the nose as target body part for canine licking. Several extant theories have been reviewed, including the 'nervous dog' theory, the 'nervous stranger' theory, the 'licking as affection' theory, the 'aversion to obnoxious popular music' theory, and the 'spreadable legumes' theory. These have proven inadequate to explain the reason for this persistent and puzzling behavior because the theorists behind them aren't dogs, so they're only guessing.

This study is the first to explore this behavior in depth.

Methods

I asked some dogs why they licked their noses. Then I thought hard about what they said.

In other words, open-ended questionnaire to a convenience sample and qualitative analysis.

Results
It's important to note that most dogs had never considered the question. Nose-licking is a habitual and unconscious behavior, so dogs find it challenging to attribute a cause. Nevertheless, they made valiant attempts, which resulted in interesting comments on my blog and also the Googling of 'Primula squeezy cheese' (PSC) because I want some.

Several themes emerged from the data.

Theme #1: The proximity of nose to tongue. The nose also serves as a substitute, albeit inadequate, for the missing berries. I'm calling this the Mount Everest Theory ('because it's there') and the Inverted Mount Everest Theory ('because they're not there').

Theme #2: Good things to eat. The most common reasons proposed for nose-licking were concerned with actual or potential comestibles: yummy-looking food, nibblets in the area, salmon treats, bully sticks, rawhide treats, and actual dog food including tuna oil. Not to mention PSC. I drooled on the keyboard writing this paragraph.

Theme #3: Illness or injury. Two respondents mentioned illness- or injury-related causes for nose-licking. I hope the nosebleeds stop for good, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, I also hope Jozsi and Momo never have to have medicine-hiding peanut butter again.

Discussion
Limitations of this study include the convenience sampling methodology. Perhaps dogs who didn't respond lick their noses for entirely different reasons. We'll never know, and it's their loss to not participate in this ground-breaking study.

Despite this limitation, it's evident that dogs lick their noses for a variety of reasons. This disappointed Dad, who was pretty sure at the outset that dogs only lick their noses to 'get them wet so they can smell better.' Once again, this is an example of humans guessing wrong about the complex reasons for canine behavior. We're deeply mysterious and ultimately unknowable creatures. Unless there's food involved, in which case, we're completely transparent and predictable.

In conclusion, nose-licking is something that dogs do because they darn well feel like it.

Acknowledgements
The author would like to thank Denni$, Charlie Morph, Zigana, Laila, Brisztow Jones, The Regal Vizsla (s), and Rocket

Funding for this study was provided by Dad.

The purpose of licking one's nose

I've received my first grant funding!

It's from Dad. He's asked me to do a study to find out why dogs lick their noses. In return, he's going to give me two cups of dog food every single day.

Here's an example of the behavior I'm studying. (This isn't me. This is Otis. I don't know Otis, but his dad takes excellent pictures.)



I've already done the literature review, which revealed several contradictory theories:

1. Dogs lick things they like, ergo we must lick our noses because we like them. Personally, I feel neutral about my nose. Can't see it, for one thing.

2. "DOGS WHO REPEATEDLY FLICK THEIR TONGUE UP TO LICK THEIR NOSE ARE INVARIABLY UNEASY. " This veterinarian apparently feels very strongly that her theory is the correct one. However, I lick my nose, and I'm not uneasy in the least. I'm extremely easy. Unless you're trying to come in the back door. Then I'm still easy, only in a louder way.

3. Dogs lick their noses to calm strangers. So it's the strangers who are uneasy. Hmmm. Valium would be more effective.

4. Dogs lick their noses to avert the pain of annoying music. It's hard to see how nose-licking would neutralize "Yakety Sax." Actually, I doubt that anything can neutralize "Yakety Sax." However, this dog, being both black and long-haired, is clearly at a problem-solving disadvantage.

5. Peanut butter.

I'm keeping my hypothesis secret so as not to skew the results.

Dear readers, if you would be so kind, please answer the following carefully-worded research question:

WHY DO YOU LICK YOUR NOSE?

I will analyz/se the results and post them here. As an incentive for participation in this study, you will receive one piece of Canidae kibble by mail. Or nothing, in the event that I don't have your address. Or stamps, come to think of it. I never have stamps when I need them.

Who needs a computer?

Figure 1. MySpace(s)

It Wasn't Sweden...

When Dad started packing his bags a couple of weeks ago, I got quite excited. "This is it!," I thought. "We're on our way to Stockholm."

Not.

Figure 1. The bad part.

Four days. FOUR DAYS. No computer access, no intelligent conversation, just me, an indoor/outdoor run, and the riff raff.

Figure 2. Riff raff.

Fortunately, just when I thought I would lose my mind from isolation and boredom, Amy picked me up.

Amy is my MOST FAVORITE person in the entire world. Before Dad and the Lab Assistant drove me to the penal colony that masquerades as 'Oregon's finest boarding facility,' she was my third most favorite person.

Amy has many admirable qualities: she's an excellent conversationalist, she's extremely responsive to piercing stares, she has lax couch rules, and her ears always taste very good. Amy's most attractive quality is named Kira.

Figure 3. Not riff raff

I love everything about Kira. I love to lie on Kira's bed, eat Kira's food, take Kira's toys, and usurp Kira's place next to Amy on the couch. I especially like to nibble Kira's ears.

So for nine days, NINE DAYS, I stayed with Amy and Kira. And Vince, whose ears might also taste good, but he never lets me check.

It wasn't Sweden, but it was wonderful.

Piercing stares, part deux

Several collaborating scientists have brought to my attention some additional data.

Ms. Zigana mentioned the efficacy of chest compressions combined with piercing stares (PS). She should know, since she delivers a quintessential PS on her website. Imagine its awe-inspiring power in the flesh.

However, the learning curve is steep indeed for implementing multiple simultaneous interventions. Many mistakes can be made by the inexpert practitioner.


Figure 1. Reverse chest compression position, prohibiting piercing stares

Young Charles pointed out the value of guttural vocalizing, 'grumbling' in the vernacular. As he so astutely remarked, humans respond to the combination of grumbling and piercing stares with laughter 84.7% of the time. And it's been proven repeatedly that laughter is positively associated with All Things Good.

By the way, young Charles has embarked on a related study: The Importance of Eyebrow Strength and Flexibility to the Cute Face. Always nice to see a young scientist in the making.

Finally, Andrew of A+M+M+J introduced the term 'visual fixity' as the proper category for studies of this ilk. I am indebted to his lexiconical perspicacity.

A quiz

Can you identify what's wrong with this picture?



a. The date is April 20th
b. Yes, that's snow
c. It wasn't taken in Sweden
d. all of the above

Piercing stares

No calls from Sweden yet.

Dad reminded me that I actually need a body of scientific work to win an award, so I've buckled down to a serious study.

It's called 'The Impact of Piercing Stares on Human Behavior.' Here are my preliminary observations:

1. Distance matters. Piercing stares from 12-18 inches away elicit an immediate response. Piercing stares from across the room have a much lower response rate.

2. Location matters. Piercing stares in the vicinity of the food bin cause humans to look at the clock and mutter inane comments about it not being 'time' yet. Piercing stares from the vicinity of the back door generate a trip outside. Piercing stares from underneath a blanket (Figure 1) get no response whatsoever.


Figure 1. Ineffective piercing stare technique.

3. Ear position matters. Piercing stares are more effective with ears in the 'full alert' position. My theory is that full earage increases the size of my head in the human visual field.

4. Paw placement matters. Among humans ignoring close-range piercing stares (and you know who you are), a paw on the forearm increases response rates by 80%.

No need to thank me; I'm just doing my job.