The purpose of licking one's nose

I've received my first grant funding!

It's from Dad. He's asked me to do a study to find out why dogs lick their noses. In return, he's going to give me two cups of dog food every single day.

Here's an example of the behavior I'm studying. (This isn't me. This is Otis. I don't know Otis, but his dad takes excellent pictures.)



I've already done the literature review, which revealed several contradictory theories:

1. Dogs lick things they like, ergo we must lick our noses because we like them. Personally, I feel neutral about my nose. Can't see it, for one thing.

2. "DOGS WHO REPEATEDLY FLICK THEIR TONGUE UP TO LICK THEIR NOSE ARE INVARIABLY UNEASY. " This veterinarian apparently feels very strongly that her theory is the correct one. However, I lick my nose, and I'm not uneasy in the least. I'm extremely easy. Unless you're trying to come in the back door. Then I'm still easy, only in a louder way.

3. Dogs lick their noses to calm strangers. So it's the strangers who are uneasy. Hmmm. Valium would be more effective.

4. Dogs lick their noses to avert the pain of annoying music. It's hard to see how nose-licking would neutralize "Yakety Sax." Actually, I doubt that anything can neutralize "Yakety Sax." However, this dog, being both black and long-haired, is clearly at a problem-solving disadvantage.

5. Peanut butter.

I'm keeping my hypothesis secret so as not to skew the results.

Dear readers, if you would be so kind, please answer the following carefully-worded research question:

WHY DO YOU LICK YOUR NOSE?

I will analyz/se the results and post them here. As an incentive for participation in this study, you will receive one piece of Canidae kibble by mail. Or nothing, in the event that I don't have your address. Or stamps, come to think of it. I never have stamps when I need them.

Who needs a computer?

Figure 1. MySpace(s)

It Wasn't Sweden...

When Dad started packing his bags a couple of weeks ago, I got quite excited. "This is it!," I thought. "We're on our way to Stockholm."

Not.

Figure 1. The bad part.

Four days. FOUR DAYS. No computer access, no intelligent conversation, just me, an indoor/outdoor run, and the riff raff.

Figure 2. Riff raff.

Fortunately, just when I thought I would lose my mind from isolation and boredom, Amy picked me up.

Amy is my MOST FAVORITE person in the entire world. Before Dad and the Lab Assistant drove me to the penal colony that masquerades as 'Oregon's finest boarding facility,' she was my third most favorite person.

Amy has many admirable qualities: she's an excellent conversationalist, she's extremely responsive to piercing stares, she has lax couch rules, and her ears always taste very good. Amy's most attractive quality is named Kira.

Figure 3. Not riff raff

I love everything about Kira. I love to lie on Kira's bed, eat Kira's food, take Kira's toys, and usurp Kira's place next to Amy on the couch. I especially like to nibble Kira's ears.

So for nine days, NINE DAYS, I stayed with Amy and Kira. And Vince, whose ears might also taste good, but he never lets me check.

It wasn't Sweden, but it was wonderful.