Dog Scientists are here to serve. We conduct very valuable research on many critical elements of canine life.
Today, I'd like to explain briefly about my primary data-gathering tool, pictured at right.
Notice how efficient it is. Not a scintilla of energy wasted on pigmentation, and the ultimate in low maintenance. Just a little moisture now and then is all that's required, and the dampening wipe is stored conveniently in the pouch underneath.
Portable and inconspicuous. It looks completely natural. No one suspects that I'm actually gathering data 24 hours a day, seven days a week--yes, even from underneath the blanket on my comfy bed.
This is the data recording device. This image is greatly enlarged for clarity.
The actual size is closer to this:
Like any delicate piece of equipment, my tool requires daily calibration. I take care of this simple process at the dog park. I zero it out by smelling underneath several dog tails. I take it into the red zone by goosing a few people. Then my tool is ready to detect edible molecules.
To date, all of my research studies focus on the six basic food groups: Kibble, Treats, Bones Because Dad Feels Guilty about Leaving Me at Home Alone, Discarded Paper, Things Except Mushrooms That Fall on the Kitchen Floor, and Poop.
I love being a scientist.
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